Setting healthy boundaries makes you strong from the inside out

healthy boundaries

Boundaries are indispensable for having and keeping long and lasting relationships. It essentially means where I end and you begin. It is simply an invisible protective limit between you and another person that helps to define your individuality.

If you are reading this you might have someone pressing in your life. That may be a coworker, a partner, or a friend you need to set a limit with, and you don’t know how.

Boundaries pave the way for expressing your needs safely, and wants, thoughts, expectations, and beliefs authentically.

Most of us were raised in families with weak boundaries or where boundaries didn’t exist at all. Very often this means there is no separation between you and your family; your individual needs become theirs and their needs become yours. You ended up shaping yourself to please others. As an adult, you might frequently accommodate others’ needs, and then get angry at them for it.

Boundaries are never used to keep someone out. They help to keep you in.

People mistakenly assume that a boundary is a wall that prevents people from getting in. That is not true. A boundary is more like a fence from where you let people in and out.

Having a boundary in place not only defines your identity but limits your exposure to undesirable stress; protecting your body and well-being from the negative effects of stress hormones.

Setting boundaries successfully 

Get clear about your values

When your boundaries are weak, you frequently feel annoyed and don’t know why.

Many of us simply absorbed the beliefs of a parent figure. As adults, we repeatedly defend beliefs that are not ours and do not reflect our own life experiences and opinions. Knowing your values will ensure you stand up for yourself, leaving little space for bitterness and discontentment.

Observe yourself

When you start setting new healthy boundaries you can start self-observing and identifying the situations you feel uncomfortable with. Acknowledge your feelings, and start noticing how important new boundaries in that specific area of your life are to improve your well-being.

Take small steps

If you were raised boundary-less, establishing healthy limits will feel overwhelming and unloving at times. But go ahead and do it anyway. You will feel more energetic and peaceful. Be flexible and allow yourself time to reflect and adjust as you go.

A lack of boundaries may lead you to feel offended by other people’s boundaries. You may assume the other person doesn’t like you.

The earlier, the better

Boundaries set earlier help to manage expectations and demands. Others will understand your emotional and physical limits, and the result is that there will be less space for frustration and confusion.


Consistency is key to boundary work. When you relapse, you will feel triggered. It is a clear indication that you must reinforce your original message. Acknowledge the situation, revisit your original boundary, and ensure the limits are clearly in place.

Clear Communication

Practicing clear and assertive communication will help to ensure your limits are established and respected. When someone frequently violates your boundaries, you might need to have a talk but keep your cool. The conversation need not be confrontational.

Before you go

Know that boundaries take time to figure out, and it is a dance you will have to learn to find your unique tune. Remember, boundaries are essential for your well-being. And that you set boundaries for yourself: they are new ways for you to express yourself. Not for others.

In the process, you will face backlash from your loved ones because they learned to love someone who has always adapted to their needs. When that happens, remember people with clear boundaries will appreciate yours. Those who do not like your boundaries might have been benefiting in some shape and form from you not having one.

A question to ponder?

When someone oversteps my boundaries, how does that make me feel?


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